Getting Old

Today I left for the YMCA early to get in a workout before the boys had their Wiggle Giggle Smile class.  I got that workout in, took the boys to class and was feeling good.  It was only 10:15 and I was on my way home to get some stuff accomplished before heading back out this afternoon to do some shopping for a PTO event at our school with a friend.

My mind was wandering, the sun was shining and I got to thinking about my Papa, who turned 86 yesterday.  You might have heard that earlier this week, the oldest person in the world (or maybe just the USA) turned 116.  That made her 30 years older than my grandfather so I thought, "Well, Papa's got another 30 years in him then."  My mind wandered some more thinking about how vast an age difference 30 years was.  Then I started to do some more complicated math thinking about how old I was and how old that would have made Papa when I was born.

Thank goodness Walker has been reviewing double digit addition and subtraction this week so I was easily able to figure out that
 86
-36
50

FIFTY!!!  My Papa was only 50 when I was born.

I am only 14 years away from 50.

When I am 50, my third born will graduate high school.

My YOUNGEST CHILD will not graduate high school until I am 52!

Papa still goes into work every day.

I retired eight years ago.

Now, you tell me who is the old fart?

Happy Birthday to the BEST PAPA IN THE WORLD!

One of the trips to Disney World Papa took us on  - to stay at the Grand Floridian.

Four years ago with the youngest Lezzer grandkids and the great-grand children.  The four oldest granddaughters are missing from the photo - and we had two more great-grandsons born since then!

Papa and Maggie on June 30 of this year at my sister's wedding.  

Our Second Adventure

I'm sure one of these days, I will lose count of how many adventures in Foster Care we've had.  It would be a blessing if I couldn't.  It would mean that there were no more children in need of Foster care.  What a beautiful thought.

I was a little gun shy when we first got the call.  The children were the same ages as two of our children and I was a little hesitant on how smoothly it would go.  But, after hearing that it was just for respite, Friday through Monday, I knew we would be able to handle it.

The little ones were so sweet.  We really had no difficulty with them other than minor "You Can't Do That" stuff regarding what is and isn't acceptable around a house they've never been to before.  It was as if we had allowed two friends come over for an extended weekend sleep over.

Except when I kissed my  kids in bed at night and prayed with them all, I knew that those two "extras" were suffering from the pain of the unknown.  The pain of having been shuffled from their parents to a foster home to our home.  The fear of what is going to happen in Court.  The anxiety of missing their mama and daddy.  My heart was breaking and aching over it all.  My inadequacies in being able to help them felt insignificant against the system they have entered in.

On Saturday, we were able to attend a birthday party for dear friends of ours to celebrate their middle two children who were born 3 years apart, but nearly the same day.  They graciously and lovingly said, "No Problem!" when I told them it was going to be Schwalm's plus two.  While all of the kids swam, rode the giant slip n slide and participated in fun-filled party games, I had a chance to share some of the heartache I had been feeling with my friends.  They listened to me, supported me and lovingly kept me (us . . .them)  in their thoughts and prayers.   So much so that my friend, LS, forwarded me this link .  It so captures what I feel as a Foster Mom and as just regular Momma.

Our visitors had to leave yesterday morning and we've noted that the house has been seemingly absurdly quiet- a different kind of quiet these last two days as we ended our summer.  The sadness at saying goodbye to two little ones who we could selfishly see potential in being able to help so much is only enhanced by the sadness of saying "goodbye" to summer and sending two of my little critters off to school (all day) tomorrow. Knowing that LS thought of me when she read this was a bolster to my confidence and gave me hope.   It was a boost in my confidence that yes, we might be able to do something good . . . that the pain I feel is evidence that we are in fact loving well. 

Blessings to all of you sending your little critters off to school.  I will rejoice and cry with you!

If you are interested in exploring Foster Care, please feel free to contact me to talk about it.  I am not sure if I have any of the answers you have, but I would love to talk to you about it.  

2012 Butler Farm Show

It's Farm Show week around here and that means we're in the midst of end of summer crazy.

Only three weeks until school starts.

Insert very sad face here.

We're living it up at the Farm Show this week.
(Our goat display at the Goat Tent)

We've got our pop up camper there this year.  Not nearly as nice as the digs we had last year thanks to our generous friends, Courtney and Fred, but still much better than camping out in a tent.


These photos are from our camping trip to NY last week, but you get the gist.  Our camper is really not all that bad - a few minor issues here and there in terms of worn canvas (the camper is almost 20 years old) but we have air conditioning, beds and we're not in a tent.

 This is the view from the "master bedroom" looking into the kids "room" and kitchen.  We hae a sink in our camper, but we don't hook it up.  We're thinking of ways we can reconfigure the counter to fit more and eliminate the sink.  It would be nice, but we have hook ups to have an outdoor sink/shower so we're looking into fixing that up.  That way I don't have to worry about someone (Whit)  accidentally running water and splashing it everywhere.  The kids room is a queen size bed and all three big kids fit on it just fine.  The couch to the left pulls out and turns into a single bed, which Walker prefers to sleep on, but with Whitaker, it's easier to ban the big kids to their own room and isolate Whit in the dinette.

 Here's Whittie's bed.  We have a removeable table, so we pull it out, put the back bench cushions in the leg hole and make Whit a little bed on the floor.  This works best if we block him in with stuff on the bench tops so he can't climb out and if we block the foot of the bed with a cooler or bin.  Poor guy just has to be contained!  But he loves his bed and he gets very upset when one of the other kids tries to lie on his bed.

Here's the master bedroom.  Can you believe that to the right, there used to be a shower?  I have no idea how it worked as previous owners tore it out.  If we decide to keep the camper, we're going to figure out a way to make a cabinet to store more stuff.

For the deal we got on the trailer, it was a perfect buy for us.  It's not new or fancy, but it works for our family and I don't have to worry about my kids breaking something in the "new" camper.  Sure, the upholstery and curtains are a little outdated, but for us it's perfect.

Which brings us to the Farm Show.

Maggie won Grand Champion with this goat.

Walker won Grand Champion for his goat Carmella.

Willie didn't pay enough attention to showing to really do anything in the show arena, however, he did a great job at the pedal tractor pulls and the bike races.

He won first place in the pedal tractor pull.  With all of these videos, please excuse my cheering and coughing.

Maggie put forth her best effort but didn't quite make it.

Walker did his best too, but another kid almost made 30 feet!

Erik even entered Whitaker in the contest for the "under 3" category.  I think Whittie was the only child under three competing!

Today at the bike races, Willie was only required to pedal from the starting line to the first "jump."  He not only did that, but pedaled right over the jump and around the rest of the track.  Almost before any of the other contestants reached the jump.

Maggie tried really hard too but as you can see in the video, she got a little wobbly after the first turn and went from the top 3 to 4th place.  I'm so proud of her for holding on and keeping her balance and finishing the race.

Finally, poor Walker was doing so great, but as he made the turn for the second lap, another kid came up from behind him and they collided.  Walker slid across the track but his dad helped him and we all cheered him on to keep going.  The embarasment of the crash made him  more cautious and I think he had just enough of his mom in him that the embarrassment hurt him more than the wounds.  I was so proud of him for getting back up and finishing the race.  When it was all over, Willie (who totally knew he won his race) told Walker he would give Walker his gold medal since he was so brave.

For some reason, I cannot get Walker's video to upload right now but I am so proud of what a good sport he was today.  I'm proud of my kids for lots of things, but watching them be so brave and do things I don't think I would have been brave enough to do when I was their age makes me so happy.

Check back later to see if I manage to get Walker's video posted.

Saying Goodbye

We said goodbye to baby girl today.

It wasn't easy.  Not that I thought it would be, but I thought that with her only being in our home for four days, it wouldn't be as bad.

I was wrong.

It started last night during her middle of the night feeding.  I jumped up at her first whimper and as I picked her up, I (doubtfully) wondered if her bios will do the same.  I know that my efforts were exaggerated this week.  After all, she was only with us for a week, so it's easy to jump at the first whimper in the middle of the night when you're only doing it for a few days.  I know the reality is that even the best mother in the world experiences the overwhelming weariness as the months of jumping up in the middle of the night wear on.  The exhaustion just overcomes you and you don't always jump at the first whimper.  Sometimes you lie there praying that whimper will be a solitary event and everyone will roll over and go back to sleep for another few hours.  

But as I jumped out of bed and lifted that little bundle into my arms and sniffed her baby scented head, I wondered.

I suppose I will wonder a lot in the next hours, days, weeks, years.

Wonder if her bios will keep it together and be able to do right by her. 

I know it's cynical, but after my years of professional experience in this child welfare world, I know that love isn't enough.  Everyone wants to believe that it is, but the truth is, the type of love we humans are capable of giving is not enough.  We're not created to be selfless.  That's why parenting is a sacrifice.   Parenting is constantly choosing selflessness.  It's a minute by minute choice.  Some people are just not capable of making those choices.  It's not always their fault - my professional experience tells me all of this.  But my heart wonders.  

Her bios may love her, but will they be able to parent her the way she deserves to be parented?  I selfishly put our (Erik and I) parenting skills on a pedestal as if we are perfect.  I know that we are not, but I do what a cynic does - I judge.

It's not fair.  But nothing about this situation is fair.  Even knowing what the results were going to be going into this situation, I still find it all unfair.  But that's me being selfish.  

Maggie, Whitaker and I drop baby girl off at the agency so she can be transported to her bios.  The caseworkers tell me that both bios completed their drug screen and everything came back negative, so they are drug free.

Cynic shouts in my head, FOR HOW LONG?????

I nod my head and say, "That's good."  

With nothing else to say, I tell the caseworkers, "Thanks."  I'm not really sure what that means, but somehow it seemed the only thing to say and I grab my children's hands and we walk out the door.  I try not to sniffle as the tears well up in my eyes - to put on a brave face for Maggie.  

We drive home and I stop and get them a donut hoping that the sweet treat will distract them from what we'll see when we walk through the doors at home.

This empty bouncy seat that just a few hours ago snuggled that precious pink bundle with the little rosebud mouth.  Maggie sitting next to her slightly pushing on the wire frame so that baby girl will feel that comforting motion.

The little leopard print nightie she wore to bed last night, that still smells like her.  Still draped over the pack n play waiting to be washed in a load of baby things.  Except it won't get that chance.  We have no other baby things to wash, so it will go in with all of our  regular clothes.  Once it's washed, it won't be her nightie anymore - it will just be another baby nightie.  Thinking that makes me tear up.

The basket of folded girl things and the little bunny hat with matching slippers.  Everything had been washed and folded to be used by her.  Most of it never touched because she wasn't with us long enough.

The swaddler that I bought on a whim just for her.  The only purchase I made just for her.

The pacifier I found randomly last week.  The irony of finding it just a day after we had been called about possibly taking a baby girl.  She didn't really care for it, but it's still on the green side table just in case.

Of all things, a bag full of tiny, dirty baby diapers.  

And her last bottle sitting by the sink waiting to be washed.

Such simple, little, and insignificant things, yet their presence is overwhelming.  

As we walk through the house and see these things, the house suddenly feels empty.  Maggie looks at the empty bouncy seat and we look at each other and tears fall.  Maggie tells me that she misses the baby.  I tell her that I miss baby too.  I remind Maggie that this is what it will be like every time and if she thinks it's too hard for her heart, we will stop doing it.  She tells me that it is just sad for today.  I tell her how proud I am of her and her brothers for being so loving and caring to baby girl because I am so proud of them.  My constant fear is that our endeavor to live out our ministry will negatively impact our children. 

I don't tell her that my tears are more about sadness of wondering what the future holds for baby girl.  Each item I pick up to put away brings a bittersweet feeling.  The joy it was to hold baby girl for a week, to care for her and love her.  The sadness of saying goodbye to her.  The prayers said for her over each item I pick up and lovingly put away.

Maggie and I decided that we're going to try to find a pink storage container to store all of the girl things so next time we have a baby stay with us, we can pull it right out.  Just about everything is packed up waiting to be put away in a newly purchased pink storage box.  

Except this.

After I tuck my precious ones into bed tonight, I think I'll sit with this for a while and smell that sweet baby smell.

And I'll pray the first of many prayers for the future of our very first foster daughter.

Opening Our Hearts

Erik and I have discussed throughout our relationship that we both felt that ministering to children outside of our own family was important to us.  We've discussed different ways we would accomplish this.  Youth ministry within our churches was one way, me providing childcare in our home was another.  A far off "one day" option was Foster Care.  Far off as in our children would be much older and we'd have lived through most of the elementary school years to have considerable experience under our belts.  Having once worked in a system with Foster families and foster children, I am aware of the challenges of foster care and have felt that to be fair to our children, waiting until they didn't need us so much would be ideal.

A dear friend of ours (referenced in this story as E) works for a foster/adoption care agency and we've talked with her over and over how "one day" we'd be interested in welcoming Foster children into our home, etc.   She tells us stories of how foster families are needed, never pressuring us, but saying, "You guys would be a great Foster Family" and then leaving us to pray about it.  Through her encouragement and our own prayer, we started to come around to the idea of starting the process a little earlier than we thought and tossed around the idea of doing foster care for children under 2 or on a respite type basis which would be very short term.  

Through a series of "coincidences" it became very clear to us that God was telling us it was time to start the Foster Care process.  It mid-June and Erik was home waiting for the veteranarian to arrive to look over our goats for the Big Butler Fair.  It was just after noon and he came into the house asking to borrow my cell phone because he could not find his.  He was headed back out to the barn to call his phone because he thought he dropped it in the manure.  While he was walking back to the barn, he tried calling our friend, N, whose son boards his goat with us and who was going to show his goat too.  The Vet was going to check that goat as well, and we needed to have her registered name on the Vet papers.  When our friend N didn't answer his phone, Erik then used my phone to call his wife, E, who at the time was at work at her agency in a meeting where they were discussing the fact that they had had a call from another agency looking for a foster home for an infant.  Erin looked at her phone, saw that I (Erik) was calling her and a light bulb went off.  Shortly after that, she called me and said that they were looking for people to foster an infant and since we thought we might like to care for infants she wanted us to know.  Erik and I talked about it, prayed about it and we both came to the conclusion that God was telling us to get the process started.  We both knew that we wouldn't necessarily be blessed with a child right away, but if nothing else, we could get certified and then take it from there.

So we did.  A few days later, we went to the agency, signed the papers,  and over the coming days had our criminal backgrounds checked, had our home checked out and a water test completed.  The water test failed.  Twice.  We're waiting for the results of the third test.

Then last week, we got a call from one of our coordinators who said that another agency was looking to place a baby girl.  They didn't have many details but the placement would occur Monday and we were to assume the placement would be for three months, but to be aware that all details were dependent on the hearing on Monday. If we were interested, we should come to the hearing on Monday.  In the meantime, we were cautioned that over the weekend, things could vastly change and nothing was definite.  I spent the weekend in anticipation yet preparing for the worst.  Finally, Sunday after we dropped Maggie off at Pymatuning to camp with Mimi and her cousin, I asked Erik to stop at Walmart to buy size 1 diapers.  Just in case.  And I allowed myself to get a little excited about the potential of a new baby in the house.  

The next day, I continued to allow myself to feel more excited and I began some preparations.  I dug out the bassinet from the attic and searched through my bin of keepsake clothes and found lots of adorable newborn outfits for a little girl.  I didn't even realize I had saved so much for Maggie!  That afternoon, after washing blankets and clothes and bedding, Erik and I went to the hearing and due to extenuating circumstances, had to leave before we knew the fate of the baby!  Talk about torture!  We ended up going home and about an hour later, our coordinator called to let us know that we would have the baby for just five days instead of the three months that we had anticipated.    It was a little discouraging, but I quickly realized that this was a blessing from God as we learned that there was a little more involved in the process than we anticipated.  

So here we are, four days later, basking in the pink presence of a baby girl in our house again.  

Ten little fingers.

Ten little toes.

Everyone has fallen in love with her.

It's going to be quite an adventure, this journey of the heart we are embarking on.  

There are going to be lots of highs and lots of lows.  We're trusting that God will guard our hearts and protect us from heart ache as we tend to these little lambs and then send them on their way.  The future is unknown for us and for them.  There are so many things we have double and triple and quadruple thought about in terms of exposing our family in this way.  The bottom line is that despite the probable (definite) heart ache, we believe it is our purpose to provide love and care for children by opening our home and our hearts.  

This was a light week for me in general because the children were taking turns camping with Mimi, so I didn't have a full plate of children to tend to, so tending to an infant was much easier.  Also, prior to Monday, were told baby would have visitation with her bio parents once a week, but it turns out it was three times a week, so that would have been difficult (but manageable) to figure out.  Additionally, we knew we had a week of travel/vacation planned and coordinating how to work that out with the visitation schedule was going to prove very difficult.  I think also, God is blessing us with just a little taste of what this is going to be like for us.  Because of the camping trip, none of the children but Whit had much more than 36 hours with baby in the house.  That gave them just enough time to love on her, but not too much time to become too attached.  Walker and Will were able to kiss her goodbye and head out for their camping trip - a welcome distraction, especially for Willie who was absolutely wonderful with baby girl.  Walker enjoyed her too, but was kind of over the whole crying thing.  Willie, however, was a champ, telling me that he would take care of her and he never ever would mind if she cried.  

Maggie got to meet her yesterday and hasn't left her side.  More blessings came this week as a school friend called to plan a play date with Maggie so she has something fun to look forward to after saying goodbye.  And even I won't have too much time to wallow in goodbye as I pack up the few baby things and get our family packed for a trip to Hershey with my mom and sister and then for a separate end of the week trip to NY and Lake Chautauqua.  

It's a scary adventure we're on.  But one I know will be well worth the journey.   

A Wedding and the Big Butler Fair

My sister, Enu, got married June 30 in a beautiful ceremony in my hometown.  Her wedding ceremony was at Starr Hill Winery  which is adjacent to our Papa's farm and then had her reception at the farm.  Here's a photo from her photographer, Jana Scott.  Talk about phenomenal!  If you are ever in Central PA and in need of a photographer, Jana is your gal!  She took amazing photos and was the kindest, most cooperative and practically invisible photographer I have ever seen!  I can't imagine that she took a bad photo all night!

I have not uploaded any of the photos that were taken at the wedding yet because:
1)  I have not looked through the 7349 photos that my children took using my camera.  (yes, fun mom allowed her children to use her very expensive DSLR at an outdoor reception with a concrete paver dance floor!)

2) My computer is occassionally going to the dreaded blue screen - I've been running repair programs and trying to be careful of what I do - and back it up daily, but all indicators seem to point to my hard drive is going to crash on me in the imminent future.  Therefore, I'm hesitant to upload 7349 photos to the computer before I can have the time to also upload them to a share site so if my hard drive crashes and my external hard drive breaks, I have the photos in cyber world.

But here are some that other people took and I borrowed.  Thanks to Michelle, Mallory, Sharon, Brittany and anyone else who took photos and I forgot to thank for stealing them!

The cocktail hour at my Papa's house.

My little flower girl before she got her arm bumped and dropped a meatball against the front of her dress!

 The bar at the tent

 Bride and groom cutting the cake

 The dessert table

 Announcing of the bridal party - Whit escorting Maggie

The port a john bathroom

 Dancing.  (See the meatball stain?  I got it out of the dress by the way!)

The potted herbs with place cards.

Erik and our brother in law JD getting the kids to the aisle to start the wedding!

 Will with Michael's sister, Mallory.  She is officially the love of his life.

Maggie and Olivia were dancing and Will says, "That is not how it's done!" and cut in and took over!

 Poor little Whittie had a fever that day and was not feeling so great.  But he looked ADORABLE!

 Moustache!

 Dancing all by herself

Pucker Up!

 AH!  How I love this guy!  This was about 45 minutes after a dose of motrin to help with his fever and he was able to come out to the reception and play for a while and be in a good mood!

The wedding was such fun.  I really enjoyed getting all dressed up for this wedding even though I had a family of six to get ready.  I stayed at my Papa's house in the days prior and the day of the wedding, so I had lots of room to spread out our family and relax.  I was able to enjoy watching my sister get ready with her bridesmaids and watch my girl watch her aunt "glam" it up.  It was such a special memory!

Poor Maggie - we tried and tried and tried (literally, we curled her hair three separate times) in attempts to have her have curly hair - it did not work out the way we envisioned it.

Since we were able to get ready at a relatively leisurely pace, we were able to have a family photo taken.  This one was just taken with my cell phone so I am very excited to see what Jana was able to capture for us.  Unfortunately, my boys were not so happy about being photographed.  For some reason, posed portraits make Willie the grumpiest and most uncooperative boy imaginable and minutes to this photo being taken, Walker was grumping about his tie being too tight and choking him.  We won't get into the story of how Walker HATED his outfit for the wedding and when I suggested to my sister we try to find navy blue gingham ties to appease my oldest born.  That's a story I'll be saving for his first date!

Anyway, I think this little farm family cleans up pretty nicely.  It doesn't last long (see meatball stain) but for about an hour, we looked pretty dandy!

After all the wedding festivities were over, we had to rush home to get to the Butler Fair to show our goats on Monday.

It was a super hot day and we ALL had to show a goat.

Even me.

You see, we enter goats in everyone's names so that we can get free admission into the fair each day.  We also enter a few extra so we have a few extra passes.  In order to curb people doing this, the rules require each person with an entry to show the entry.  Therefore I had to show my entry.  We call her "Nuts" because she's never showed before and gets a little crazy on the halter.  She actually was very good for me and we took whopping 4th place out of four entries.

The kids did better with a Reserve Grand Champion title and several first place ribbons.

I still have to upload the photos of the show from my phone.

Guess I should have been spending the day uploading pictures instead of posting this!

Summer Vacation Week Two

I can't believe our second week of summer vacation is already over and done.  It was a great week!  We started off with the addition of a new baby to the Schwalm family - my brother and sister in law welcomed their third child on Saturday.  We're so excited to welcome little Henry to the family.  Poor guy has no idea what he is in for!!

This week was a breeze because my wonderful Mother in Law took the three oldest kids to her church every morning for Vacation Bible School.  Not only did she take them to VBS, but she took them and their cousins out for an adventure every afternoon this week.  They did more in this week than we'll probably do all summer.  And that's good because one day they'll look back and say, "Remember when Mimi took us to VBS and then would take us to a movie or swimming at Joyce's?  We had so much fun!"

I know they will say this because I remember the "adventures" I took with my Grammie (although our adventures usually revolved more around driving to Monroeville Mall and shopping) and I thought those adventures were so much fun.

Their adventure week was great for me too because with only Whit around the house, I had so much time to get stuff done that I don't normally do around here.  Like go to the attic and organize all of the winter stuff I just threw up there in plastic bags two months ago because I just wanted it out of Maggie's bedroom.  The logical day to sort through stuff in the attic was Tuesday because Erik was taking Whit with him to work and the rest of the kids were gone all day too.  With no one to stand at the bottom of the trap door ladder stairs yelling, "Momma!?  What are you doing up there?!  Can I come up?!"  then proceed to come up the ladder for me to say to them, "I did not tell you you could climb this ladder and come into the attic.  GIT (1) DOWNSTAIRS BEFORE YOU KILL YOURSELF OR FALL THROUGH THE CEILING !"  (2)


Footnotes for the above conversation:  (Note, I have not had to use footnotes since my Senior year of High School in Mr. Decker's English Class for my Senior Paper.  No, Mr. Decker, I was not required to use footnotes EVER in any of the papers I had to write in any of the classes I took in my entire six year career of undergraduate and graduate school.  That knowledge was a complete waste of my education and since I haven't had to use the skill in 20 years, I clearly have no idea how to use them properly so I am doing the best I can.)

1)I have noticed that lately when I am shooing things, like children or dogs or livestock, I have adopted the Southern pronunciation of "get" using the "i" sound instead of the "e" sound.

2)  I don't really tell my kids they will fall through the ceiling.  This is just a little jab at my dear friend, Karen, who actually did step right through her bedroom ceiling this week while her husband was away on business.  She patched the hole with blue masking tape.  I told her to at least go get some white tape - or paint the ceiling blue.  Another friend advised her to put a reflective surface on the ceiling and  . . . well,  I won't get into that because this is a family friendly show.  (Although, I do think the other suggestion would go over MUCH better - at least from a husband standpoint.)

Anyway, the heat up in the attic messed me up!  As I was stuffing the bags into the plastic storage bins, I started getting this irrational fear that the ladder door to the attic was going to somehow snap shut and leave me trapped in the attic and I would die of heat exhaustion before anyone found me!  So I started stuffing faster and then it started getting hotter.  Then I discovered that I had BOXES and BOXES of shoes that were in Will and Whit's sizes so I needed to sort through those boxes and find the appropriate shoe sizes and since I was doing that, I might as well just sort all of the shoes into same size categories and organize and relabel the boxes.  The more I did, the more I found to do and soon I was bent over one of our storage bins digging through it looking for pillowcases (somehow we do not have enough pillowcases on our pillows).  As I was bent over, I noticed these drips of water splashing the particleboard floor of the attic.  The conversation in my mind went like this:

What is that?  
Is that water?
Is that water dripping from somewhere?
Did a squirrel just run over my head and pee?
No, it wasn't a squirrel!  I haven't seen a squirrel up here all morning.  It has to be a leak.
How would we have a leak?  It's not even raining!
Where is that water coming from?
Pause with me for a moment as I wipe the sweat from my face.  Realization hits . . .
HOLY COW!  THAT WATER DRIPPING IS COMING FROM MY FACE!  I AM SWEATING SO MUCH IT IS LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF MY FACE!
I've got to get out of this attic NOW!


So, we still don't have enough pillow cases on our pillows BUT, all the shoes are organized and I managed to put all of the winter stuff away and I found some of Maggie's older clothes that I had forgotten to give away or sell, so I posted them on a local classifieds page on Facebook and already sold $50 worth of stuff!

Which is a good thing because after the kids spent the entire day with Mimi again today, they ate an entire loaf of bread as French toast, the boys each ate a fried egg and Maggie had a bowl of cereal, on top of the grapes they were snacking on all evening as they played in the play house.

That was only dinner.

I put them to bed before they could realize they hadn't asked for dessert!

My Littler Sister

My littler sister, the third Wiggins girl, is getting married in 24 days.

As usual, I'm feeling nostalgic as the big day approaches.  FYI, I'm letting nostalgia take over my other emotions like panic, fear, and STRESS as I still have not found fabric to re-line the dress I bought because it is one of those weird ones that has the lining to the knee but a sheer overlay that goes to the floor, which I DO NOT like but it is the style, color and fit that I love, so I am hoping to fix the lining issue, especially since I want to wear a long dress.

Things I also do not have done:
Shoes for Whitaker
A strapless bra
A slip for Maggie
Rehearsal dinner outfits for any of my family
Manicure and pedicures for me and Maggie
Any remote idea of how I plan to wear my hair for the wedding
Shoes for me
An appointment to get my dress re-lined with a reputable seamstress!

But, that is another story.  Tonight I succumb to the nostalgia as I look at these pictures of my sweet little sister, Enu as our family calls her.

Enu is our blue-eyed baby.  My Grammie called her that from the minute she was born.  She has grown from a shy, mama's girl to a beautiful young woman, inside and out.

Enu with our mama.

She's hardworking, determined and sweet, caring, loving and generous.  She's sensible with a frivolous side and you wouldn't guess it but she has an adventurous side too.  She hides her emotion but they run deep.  She had a rare illness when she was in 5th grade that left her with a propensity to swoon at the sight (or mention) of blood or hospitals.  She loves fiercely and is loved the same.

Sometimes people mistake her and my littlest sister for twins.  For the record, they are not.

She is probably the sister who is most like me.  I should say the sister I used to me most like only because being married to an unpredictable, non-scheduled, "no-one-will-have-a -problem-with-that" kind of a man has stripped me of almost every Type A personality, OCD, organized, thorough and meticulous trait I ever had.  I haven't known what it is to be on time to a function in over 10 years!

She's who I thought I was going to be until I fell in love with a country boy and moved to a farm.  She has it more together than I every will.

We recently had her bridal shower at my grandfather's home in our hometown.  It was a beautiful event coordinated and executed my my little sister (Kate) and littlest sister (Lara, seen above).   Although it was unreasonably hot, it was a lovely day and Enu had a chance to visit with friends and family who were all wishing her the best as she prepares for marriage.  It was delightful to see the groom's family and my family gathering to celebrate Enu and Michael's love.

It was also a lot of fun to see Enu, Lara and their girlfriends hanging out together.  As I listened to them talk about adult things, I couldn't help but see the girls when they were little - it seemed strange to hear them discussing grown up things since it feels like yesterday that they were still playing Barbies and jumping on the trampoline.  I was all grown up through most of Enu's teen and young adult years.  I missed seeing her grow up but I am blessed that I can call her a friend now that we are both adults.

I don't know if she remembers this (probably not because her memory is worse than mine!) but when I was pregnant with Will, I had a lot of trepidation about telling people I was pregnant.  Maggie hadn't even turned a year old when I got pregnant and although I waited a while to tell everyone, I knew the reactions were not going to be as joyful as the previous two.  There was lots of concern over the fact that Maggie and the new baby would be so close together in age.  When I told Enu about being pregnant, she was so happy and told me that she thought that it was wonderful that my kids were going to be so close in age.  She said that sometimes she felt we (us four sisters) missed out because there were such age gaps between us.  Her warmth and affection in that moment was exactly what I needed and I am forever grateful that she was able to give me exactly what I needed emotionally at that time.  Her positivity really helped turn my fears around and reassured me that the closeness in age between Maggie and Will wasn't going to be a problem.  And you know what?  It never was!

Erin recently shared another lovely compliment with me.  I'm not going to repeat it but it was perhaps the nicest compliment anyone had ever given me.   Coincidentally (although there are no such things as coincidences), her words came on a day when I really needed some positive affirmation.

Thank you, Enu, for being there when I really needed you.  I hope that along the line, I am able to give you the same gifts you gave me.   I love you and wish you an eternity of happiness and love.

 With the Flower girls.

 My sisters and mother.

 The flower girls take a break from the shower festivities and put their feet in the pool.

My beautiful  Maggie May.  25 years ago,  this is almost exactly what Enu looked like. It would be my honor and privilege if my baby girl grew up to be exactly like her Aunt Enu.   

Sweet little girls watching the bride open her gifts.

 Livy Lou having a spot of tea.